Harry Potter and the Retarded Headmasters
This story is an alternate ending to the Harry Potter series. After Cedric Diggory dies in the 4th book, Dumbledore is determined to keep quiet about it. But word got out into the Ministry of Magic and 50 inspectors came (yes, all at once). "Mr Dumbledore, how did Cedric Diggory die?" They would ask, but at the mention of his name Dumbledore would murder them. Dumbledore decided he liked this sense of power, so he decided he would use the killing curse more often. A few months later, every student in the school was dead except Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dobby (he somehow became a student) and Ginny. Luna Lovegood was killed when Dumbledore decided to try a breast enlargement charm on her, but they grew too big and exploded. He used a penis enlargement charm on Draco Malfoy, but it grew to big and flattened him. Fred and George Weasley were killed with the killing curse when they tried to sell Dumbledore a 'Albus Savile' doll (touch his crotch and watch him drool!). He then uses a curse on Crabbe and Goyle to make them live up to their name. Crabbe grew massive crabs from his chest which ate and killed him while Goyle grew massive boils all over him. They eventually ripped him apart during a sewing lesson, where he fell on a pin. Harry confronts Dumbledore a few weeks later. Dumbledore became insane and keept going on about the 'monsters' and 'voices' in his head. Harry did the humane thing and killed him. Dumbledore fell off the Headmaster's tower. Harry pointed the blame at Snape, who was actually a drug addict. The school shunned Snape for five days. After the shunning had finished, Hermione asked who the new headmaster would be, but obviously Harry put himself forward. He became the headmaster as the opposition strangely vanished. When he was headmaster, Harry set out to kill all the Death Defeaters (wizards and witches over 70) who were once teachers.such as Professor Suckonaball and Professor Flickdick. After Professor Suckonaball died, Ron decided he didn't want to live anymore. So he climbed that tallest tower and jumped off. Unfortunately, Snape was below snorting cocaine and got killed by Ron's weight, who survived. Once that was done, Harry set out to get some new students. First he recruited Bellytricks the Strange, who was a freak with long back hair. He then recruited Seriously Blackmetal, who he wasn't sure on but enrolled him because he was a black metal musician who had rebelled against his parents and joined the black metal band Mayhem. However, Bellytricks didn't lick Blackmetal or Dobby so plotted to kill them both. First she killed Dobby by throwing a knife at him as he was disapparapparapparating. Dobby then landed on an island no one cares about and had a headstone made that said, 'Dobby, a student BUY OFFICIAL HOGWARTS MERCHANDISE AT WWW.HARRYPOTTERRULESFOCKERS.COM.' She then kills Seriously Blackmetal by firing a laser beam at him. Stupidly, he was standing in front of the Curtain of Killing People who Fall or Walk into It (copyright Spookystorm), so he got pushed into it. She then ran around Hogwarts screaming, "I KILLED SERIOUSLY BLACKMETAL!" for the remainder of her days. Harry later went insane and killed the entire Ministry of Magic. Everyone in the school later went insane and were killed, except Hermione and Bellytricks the Strange. Bellyticks became Headmistress, but she killed herself by getting locked into the Chamber of Special Secrets. Hermione became Headmistress, went insane, blew up the UK with a nuke, and died. Moudlywart laughed for a bit on the remains of the UK. Then half of Australia, who wanted more cold air, landed on top of him. One of Hermione's nukes that hadn't exploded destroyed this part of Australia. THE END Category:The Randomonia Scriptures